Y’all, I can’t even . . . I went through something last night that spilled out into this morning, and while it started off pretty crappy, it turned into a really satisfying experience for me which sort of gave me some hope and understanding. Let me explain.
After a particularly fun and good show, I pop over to facebook to see my friend had tagged me in a video – of me! Normally I’m super excited to see them but not this time. A vlogger / sl blogger had decided to post a 20 second clip of me from SL15B last year in which I was performing and My toddler (affectionately nicknamed by everyone as LCB)was playing loudly, basically shaming me and him for cringily letting him scream in the background. A few of the comments were pretty mean, and honestly . . . this is SL. This is the internet. I don’t give a shit what you say about me, not even my music (not everyone is going to like it) but when you start making assumptions and bringing my then-two year old into the equation without knowing anything about us, I get rage-filled.
I went through a range of emotions and I almost quit SL music last night just to keep him sheltered from any more of that bull. I was angry because someone chose to throw a 20 second clip into the void with no explanation or anything, just snap judgement. Not only is it a bad representation of what was going on at the moment, if someone who didn’t know the live music scene – not just me in particular, but whatever – they could have easily been like wow no.
I remember that day vividly actually. It was the second time I was performing at SLB15. I specifically chose times that LCB would be in his preschool program, just so I knew I could be uninterrupted. However, life is life and that particular day the school was closed. I am a stay at home mom having my child alone 90% of the time with absolutely no help. His daddy travels for work and is gone for months at a time. I chose to still do the show because he is a good boy and stays well behaved for me (usually). The sounds heard on this particular voice clip were of him squealing gleefully and playing. Was it loud? Sure. Would it happen at a real, professional concert? No. Guess what? The people here performing in SL are real people. With lives, families, responsibilities, etc. They should come first. I have stopped a show plenty of times to make a cup of water, to kiss a boo boo. Hell, even one time at the Mason Jar the kid literally threw up all over me (with no notice he was sick beforehand) and I had to actually stop the show for a few. Because I’m real, I’m a mom, and that’s what moms do.
I try to book most of my shows at times where he’s either asleep or winding down, but sometimes it’s not possible. Most of my tribe, the people that show up every time, the people that support me and give me life and reason to keep doing this, embrace the craziness and silliness that is my sweet boy and when they heard about this thing, they got just as upset as I did. I’m not going anywhere for a while, and honestly I understand if people just don’t want to book me or visit my shows because they might hear the happy babbling of a well cared for toddler. It’s not going to change anytime soon. He’s free to “bother” me at any time even if it’s when I’m pretending to be a rock star. And for the record? When he makes noise I’m not cringing or rolling my eyes or getting upset or angry (usually, haha. we all have our days). I’m 100% every day thankful that I was chosen to be the mama of this sweet, caring, smart, talented little boy and if he wants to be curious about when I play music, then I’m going to cultivate that. I don’t want his memories of mama’s music to be “oh well she pushed me away when she was playing her guitar, I hate it.” Soooooo I guess I rambled on long enough. Thank you to the people who wouldn’t let my initial reaction of “holy crap I need to quit to protect him from this bs” stand. I love you all.
and for fun here’s my toddler avi surfing